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| The Whirlpool....at your peril |
Niagara Falls is an enigma. On the one hand here is a place of natural wonder. There is an enormous river, a fierce whirlpool, and not one, not two, but three amazing waterfalls. On the other hand, there is the dreaded and hard core commercialisation. Concentrated around the waterfalls are an enormous adventure park, a fierce ferris wheel, and not one, not two, but three colourful casinos.
The best idea is to let go. Just
let go. Embrace your inner cheesiness and have some plain old good fun. It’s
good natured Canadian cheese. The commercial element may be hard core, but it
also comes across as an earnest commitment to make Niagara Falls as darn
pleasant as possible.
Niagara Falls is also perfect. I
would have to say perfect in slightly disquieting way. Lawns are manicured,
flowers grow regularly and with just the right happy shade of violet. There is
no litter, there is no traffic chaos. There was a particularly unnerving corner
cafe, Applebees, which ran a friendly and welcoming message on loudspeakers
mounted outside. The message was something along the lines of ‘Please, come on
in! We’ll welcome you like you’re the returned prodigal son and try to make
your dreams come true with pancakes and maple syrup’. Everyone goes about their
day in a friendly and orderly way. And did I mention this is Canada –
stereotyping I know, but everyone is easy going, smiling and helpful.
You have to visit the Falls. (You
really can’t avoid them. Let’s face it, that’s probably why you’re there.) Your
options for visiting are surprisingly vast. They are, of course, milked for all
their worth, but they are worth it. Waterfalls are just running water, really.
But what Niagara makes of them commercially is pretty impressive. Along the
river bank downstream, you can gaze transfixed at the Class VI rapids and
imagine yourself being violently swept away on a tiny rubber raft. You can
press up against like-minded tourists in the crowded tunnels set behind falls –
yep, to view rushing water through tiny reinforced windows. If you’re
adventurous / crazy, there’s a cable car that will swing you perilously over
the Whirlpool – a roiling, seething bend in the river. Or you can even enjoy a
decidedly damp (and far more sedate) re-enactment of the Falls’ creation in the
interactive movie show ‘Niagara’s Fury’.
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| Perfect town. Disquieting. |
The highlight, however, has to be the
Maid of the Mist boat tour. Since 1848, passengers have donned blue plastic
raincoats, drifted past the American Falls and crept right up to the base of Horseshoe
Falls. (The cheese here involves resembling a posse of Smurfs. I’m only 5ft
nothing so this analogy is particularly apt.) A journey of a few minutes, the
boat chugs confidently up to the Falls, turns around and just powers the motor
against the current so that people can enjoy the unique perspective. The noise
is astonishing. I was soaking wet in an instant (despite the Smurf coat) and
barely able to open my eyes against the spray. Try, try to take photos.
The tendency is to laugh nervously
because, in its direct line of fire, I could feel the unbelievable and destructive
force of the water. The Horseshoe Falls is not the tallest in the world, but it
certainly is one of the most powerful. Surprisingly, of the sixteen people that
have deliberately attempted to go over the falls (many in the requisite barrel
and one with their pet turtle, yes, a turtle),
eleven have survived. When you’re trapped in this vortex of liquid power, it’s
terribly hard to imagine intentionally throwing yourself over the edge. Let
alone with a turtle.
When you’ve experienced the Falls
in every legal way possible (it is now illegal to attempt a tumble –without a license), there is plenty more
to do in Niagara. There’s the butterfly conservatory, printery and newspaper
museum, historic McFarland House, an adventure park, a Ripley’s Believe it or
Not museum, nightclubs and casinos. There are two minigolf courses – one Dinosaur
themed and the other glow in the dark – gaming arcades, a haunted house, a
Strike bowling alley and tourist shops galore. All this squeezed into a town
you can just about walk end to end, if you’re really keen (and fit). Just
remember to smile and say ‘cheese’ and you’ll have a wonderful time.
And if you’ve truly had enough of
the decidedly good intentioned but hyped up, glittery, shiny tourism bauble
with jacked up pricing you can just sit by the waterfalls all day long, soaking
up the spray. And it won’t cost you a cent or stink of cheese!
